this is me....

Ok I am going to start over and try this again....

My name is Mandie and I am an army wife, its kind of like AA in a way , in that you really do need a support group or maybe a sponsor to get through it. I should be good at this by now as I have been doing it for over 9 years .....but if anything,  things only  seem to get harder as we go on. Well except for I have become a pro at packing and moving and finding a house in just 2 days . However the important stuff, like making friends to hang out with or where to go to church elude me. And I am not really very good at putting myself out there to meet people. My fear of rejection can be overwhelming at times.

But anyways....my life is usually either full on nuts or incredibly boring and you know what they say about idle hands and all. So while my hubby is deployed I think I need to find a way to occupy myself and hush the voices in my head , that does not involve drinking all the time. So this might work....

So here is a little about me. I am a stay at home Mommy by day , which is to say I am your average Domestic Goddess. You name it and I can do it pretty much, at least when it comes to running a household. I have learned minor home repair, culinary arts (I can name and cook at least 30 different soup and sandwich combos, lol), home decorating, tutoring, stain removal, hazardous waste removal. You know just the basics. I like random and weird things and collect tacky souvenirs, the cheesier the better. I like loud colors and pictures of my family (that is until I have to dust them all). I mean ,do not get me wrong I actually love to clean but hate dusting. I like comedies above all other movie genres . And sadly find the Disney channel freakishly entertaining. I do not keep clocks in my house as I do not like the idea of time chasing me around. And I watch way too much tv...

I have been trying to figure out how to deal with this deployment sooooo.....

The first thing I did was make a list of goals....although please take my own personal list for what it is and not overly seriously (I am sarcastic and dark by nature and most of these were meant in jest, I swear. )

So here was my list

1. First and foremost Do not kill kids.
2. Work on becoming an alcoholic so as to achieve the first and most important goal
3. Remember to Eat
4. Figure out what God would have me to learn from this sucky experience
5. remember to smile at least once a day
6. remember to ask for help
7. try and make some friends no matter how much it may hurt
8. have another drink
9. and last of all and remember this is very important, DO NOT KILL Kids or anyone else if possible

Ok seriously that was the list I made, but I have tried to come up with some actual goals like watch every movie my hubby did not want to see with me or won an Oscar. And I try to watch at least 1 thing per week that I would not normally be inclined to watch. Another is to make myself get out of the house more and to try and think of adventurous things to do with my kids. As my natural inclination is to never leave my house which is not very fair to my kids and I fully want to take advantage of living on this beautiful beach.
And I think every wife's goals should actually be attainable and meaningful to them, rather than the usual "I will lose 30lbs" that I usually hear of people putting on their list. Or I will save 10, 000 dollars , not that saving money or losing weight are not good to do, but I think your goals should also be fun and in the end you can't take the money with you and I doubt anyone ever got to heaven and said "Well now I am glad I did not eat that last piece of cake ". 

I won't sugar coat deployment  or the army way of life for you though and I intend to tell it exactly like it is from my perspective. And for the record I am not your typical army wife or even typical wife material.  But maybe something I have to say will resonate somewhere with someone else who is tired of all the happy wife advice that gets put out there. Like my all time favorite thing....."Never let your Hubby see you struggle, always put on that happy face on the webcam and try to always be positive and upbeat, bad news will only make it worse for him". NOT. If I suddenly became like that my Hubby would think I had developed a drug habit, LOL.  Being in a war zone is hard (I assume, having never been there and only basing my opinion off what I see on CNN) but so is being the one left behind to be Mommy and Daddy, I mean at least my hubby gets to pee in peace without a 2 yr old staring at you with a puzzled expression and he does get the occasional day off. And I will not lie but some days around here make me wish that it was I who were in Iraq instead as the peace and quiet of war (said with sarcasm) would be so preferable to dealing with my kids.

I hope my blog will demystify how Army Wive's are portrayed or at the very least make you laugh.....or even help another army wife feel less alone.