Ok so its been almost a week since he had to go back. :(, and needless to say up until I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with myself last night, I had been a straight up mess. The kids have been awful since he left; Kate always crying for her daddy, and Indiana's usual stuff plus add to that the fact I felt completely sad and overwhelmed again just did not make for a fun week.
It was so nice having him home with us. Having someone to hug and help out and talk to and watch tv with....we did have a fabulous leave for the most part.We were able to really talk some things out and work through some issues we had been having. And we got to spend Thanksgiving with our family (which could have been very sad for me since my Grandaddy and my Granny just passed) for the first time in years and he got to go to Indiana's last soccer game of the season. We got to see a movie and even had a date night at the Japanese steak house. Which by the way was the most fun I think I have ever had eating out in my life. We got to spend time as a family and even do some Christmas shopping. The kids loved having him home and were always playing with him or loving on him. It was just really nice all the way around. Maybe too nice....
I enjoyed it so much and that just made it that much harder on me when he left. It seems that by the time you get used to being together again its time for him to go. Now I am alone in this again and frankly 4 months seems like a lifetime right now. And it is very overwhelming to say the least. Plus it was so heart breaking to watch my baby girl go to bed screaming for her daddy and wake up doing the same. It has been so hard just making myself do what I need to get by this week. Much less the extra stuff my kids are used to.
But last night I decided to shake this funk and get on with life. I decided to start taking better care of myself , since apparently I am the only person who can injure there self knitting. I need to start eating better and maybe even working out again, not to lose weight but to just keep myself healthy. And i need to start sleeping more and at a more regular time (always hard for me after he leaves as I just can't sleep). So I decided to turn over a new leaf and start anew this week. I made myself some chamomile tea last night and took my movie to bed and actually went to sleep a a lot earlier than I have been , still not as early as I wanted but its a start. Then after waking up every few hours last night I awoke this morning to get Indiana on the bus and have been up since. Rare for me I assure you. Then while Kate slept in I finished my movie (including the special features) and got it to the mailbox in time for the postman. I even got to talk to the Hubby a lot earlier than usual. Which made getting up so early so worth it.
So now after having my tea and watching my DVR , just might get it all watched if I keep this "getting up early" thing going :) I am purposefully deciding to be present in my life and not just going through the motions. I will keep reminding myself that life is an adventure and try to enjoy it. And hopefully these next 4 months will fly by.