Saturday, October 23, 2010

I need help....(mentally of course)

Ok, so this week I have really been wondering what it is about human beings that we always want what we can not have. Why can we not be content with what we already have.

Take for example hair. In this case my hair. My whole life I have always wanted super long hair reminiscent of Brooke Shield's in Blue Lagoon. I of course have never succeeded in having this. Ever. I do not know what the allure is for me or why I am so hung up on this, but I am. I wish, and pray everyday that God would help me to be happy with the hair I can and do have. And some days I manage to do so.

This summer I felt like I was actually getting close to getting there....almost. But then I of course went in for a trim a few weeks ago only to have my hair transformed into a bizarre mullet shaped poof on my head. You just could not imagine my horror or the irrational disappointment I felt at the loss of my mane. I mean really I went completely hysterical for hours, days even. And while I realise how silly that is, I did. The worst part of the experience is that not only did it turn out badly, but it was uber expensive to boot. This bad cut precipitated yet another trip to the salon which caused yet more of my precious hair to be cut away from my head and more money to be spent. And of course I did all this mere weeks away from my Hubby coming home for R&R.......I just keep thinking, what if he hates it and feeling so guilty for spending all this money on it.

But anyways....back to the point. Why do we want what we can not have. Where do these deep seated feelings of inadequacy come from that plague us....did God create us this way or is it the devil chasing us planting these seeds of discontent. And if it is the devil how do we send him and his seeds packing? I have tried everything with myself. I remind myself that it could have been worse or I could have alopecia or cancer requiring chemo....I tell myself how lucky I am to have what I do. I try to fake it till I make it telling myself that its just my new rock star haircut and all I need is the right attitude to pull it off. But it is hard for me.

I realise that everything worth really having is worth the time it takes to get it. knitting has helped reinforce this for me lately, as I know that after all my hard work that once I finish my baby's blanket I will be so proud of what I have achieved. If only I could get my head to understand this logic with my hair. LOL. Or convince everyone with longer hair to cut theirs too.....

But one day at a time. It's a shame there is not a support group for insanely vain people like myself. Because my name is Mandie and I am vain.

Dear Lord, please do not hesitate to save me from myself. And forgive me my vanity, and please consider this haircut a step towards learning that lesson, and now give me patience to leave it alone until it grows back out. Let me never forget how lucky I already am and help me to remember this and be thankful to you! And please let my Hubby have the sense to never tell me what he may truly think of it when he sees it, or I will have to beg forgiveness for murdering him. Amen.

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