I will say though we have had an interesting albeit sad summer .....
I turned 31! Woohoo, I had all these grand hopes for redoing my 30th birthday party since the Hubs had missed mine and it was so important to me, but life got in the way. I did however get to go out one Saturday night (complete in 70's boho hippy costume, right down to the fringed boots that made my sis cringe, lol) with my Sister and her Hubby and my Hubby and we all had a blast and sang karaoke and watched the guys try their hand at beer pong. My hubby had never sang before in front of anyone so as a gift to me he sang in front of everyone for the very first time ever, my sister also got up their and sang! it was the best gifts ever! But on a somber note, I spent my 31st birthday standing in a cemetery looking at a funeral that only 15 or so people attended......my biggest fear in life is that that will be me. I pray that I can go out everyday and show Christ's love to all I meet and touch as many lives as possible. When I die I want people to, not feel sad, but remember the small kindnesses I tried to offer and the love I felt.....I want my life to matter, I want to leave a mark. I want to touch lives , as many lives as I can before I go.
I also got to see my son get Baptised this summer and that was a very moving event all in itself! And it was so lovely to do it at home with all of our family there as well. I know it meant a lot to my Dad and Mom as well as Indiana.
And in following my commitment to myself to do something that scares me once a month I actually stood up in front of my home church and sang a Capella ....but at least I did not throw up or faint....(last month, I cut all my hair off, who knows what I will do next....)
I also was privileged to attend the MOPs Intl. Convention this year in Nashville TN (insert thick southern accent here) It was an adventure to be sure just getting there for me, I missed my first flight and arrived too late for the shuttle. But I got to cross another item off my bucket list! I took a cab for the first time ever, and that was very cool. But it was an amazing time with amazing friends. We had great worship and fellowship and heard wonderfully insightful speakers . And I learned that during Shakespeare's time people used more than 54000 words and now days we only use 3000....so a kid back then would have been smarter than a college professor these days, lol. So sad. We also got to be the first to screen the new movie from Shiloh Baptist church (who made Fireproof and facing the Giants) called Courageous. It was a fantastic movie and I really think you should all go and see it! But wow what a weekend. It was so nice to get that break and be with all those great ladies , I can't wait till I go back next year!
But this summer has also been full of panic attack inducing changes.....I have seen 3 friends move and it really drove home the stress and anxiety of our own upcoming move.....not that I am disappointed about going back to Dc, as I know it will be a great opportunity for our family, especially Brandon and lil Katy (she has been practicing her twirling and dancing for months in preparation for her new dance class she will be attending, thanks to Mama Windy). But it is always so hard to leave friends, and I have made some really great ones here who have really gotten me through a lot of hard times. They have been there through deployment and deaths, and days where I just couldn't do it on my own, they have given me a place to serve and be served. They have loved me even when i thought I was a complete unlovable mess....they have overlooked my eccentricities and penchant for never getting dressed. The have lifted me up in prayer and have just loved on me. And leaving them is going to be hard. I thought I would miss the beach the most or the laid back way of life but when it comes down to it, my church family and MOPs ladies are what I will miss the most. But I know that I-95 will bring me straight back and I will be making many mini trips back for my friend fix now that I have a fuel efficient hybrid =), lol. Well at least till they get sick of me.
But I am looking forward to reconnecting with old friends in DC and finding a MOPs group their who needs someone like me to serve....and like Walt says " if nothing ever changed their would be no butterflies" so change is something I need to work on adjusting too....although (not to toot my own horn , but TOOT!) I think I have done very well this time around, usually my pre move freak outs begin 3-4 months in advance, this one only started a few weeks in advance and has been really mild to say the least....I guess we should thank modern medicine and my lil crazy pills as a friend calls them, lol. I am not, however, looking forward to this winter.....dear Lord please let their be no snow this winter in DC, please bring on all of that global warming I am always hearing about.
But to be honest the one big reason I have not written in a while is that I had something I have been struggling with personally and could not decide how to discuss it or whether or not I even should....but it has been weighing on my heart and I just need to get it out. A few months ago I mentioned that I would seek help from a therapist....well I did....and in the process of getting myself and my son tested to see what was up with Indiana (I agreed to do everything he had to do so as to make him comfortable) I was diagnosed as having Aspberger's Syndrome, as was Indiana. As well as some other things. I mean I have figured for a long time that something was up with me....I spent the better part of my childhood wanting nothing more than to be invisible or to disappear into one of my books. if only I could have been one of Nancy's friends and invited to luncheon or by her side to solve a mystery instead of the teasing and taunting I endured. Finally in High school I decided that I was going to get noticed no matter what I did, I was just to strange. I mean I looked normal, but once I opened my big mouth people realised how weird I was. So I became an anarchist who decided if they were going to think I was weird , I might as well do what I pleased as far as what I wore, hence the dress I made completely from 70's neckties. But there are some things I really can't control and usually end up realising much later that it was rude and have to go back and do a lot of apologizing. I think things and they sound one way in my head, but then come out in a tone or way that comes across as offensive. I don't mean them that way and don't even realise it at the time, I miss social cues or body language and have a really hard time making eye contact and I also have strange tics when I get nervous.....I am also honest to a fault and have a hard time ever forgetting anything said to me, especially the meaner things, hence why unkind taunts linger in my head forever. And please do not take this as an excuse for any rude behaviour that I may display from time to time....as sometimes I am and can be a witch. I am just trying to say that sometimes people who are like me, who look normal in almost every way (short of pink hair and tattoos) aren't , our brains work differently and we sometimes do or say things that are odd and some kindness from others would really go a long way in helping us feel less self conscience. Because a lot of times I ma too nervous that I will make an ass of myself to go to certain events....and no one wants to explain to everyone they meet that they are an Aspy , please forgive me if I do something idiotic, I swear they are not all on purpose. Plus I do not want to be looked at with pity or as disabled. Because if you ask me sometimes I think I am not the disabled one the rest of my family is, lol. You rarely have to ask me to do anything twice as I have a photographic memory for what has been said and for most things I see, lol. Yet you have to ask or tell them things over and over and o...v...e....r....lol. I do hope that finding out that Indiana has this and getting him therapy and all now will help him avoid some of the hardships I have faced over the years.
But on top of this new information we also had to wrestle with the decision of whether or not the Hubby would make the Army a career, a decision that caused much strife in our household for many months. But after much prayer and guidance from our church Pastor and a few others, he did finally decide it would be what was best for our family and reenlisted yesterday morning on Tybee beach. It was a beautiful day. And I am so proud of him, and while I do not know what the future holds for us, I have faith that God will provide for us and take care of us......and I hate to say it but through most of the ceremony I had Kanye West's song Gold Digger playing in my head "got you for 10 more years, 10 more years".......
But anywho that is what I have been up to and hopefully I will get better at posting more frequently , but don't hold your breath. Because now its time for us to get ready to move.....and I am already starting to hyperventilate, lol. But I have my pills and my Friend Windy ready to house hunt for me. And my faith in God is stronger than ever that he will provide and do what is best for my family...their is a purpose for all things. Even when we don't see them.
So there you go....that catches you up for now, and hopefully I will not fall behind so bad again, but honestly knowing me.....I will, ;)
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