What a year this has been......it has without a doubt been the longest year of my life. And the most difficult. But to be honest, I have never learned more about myself or felt more awesome.
This has been a truly amazing year for me. I have turned 30 and have realised just how awesome I can be. I am in no way perfect but I feel that I have truly grown as a person this year. I have learned how to do basic home repair and plumbing and car repair and how to rebuild a mailbox.....i have managed to keep the house up and all of the kids activities and have even managed to not kill the children or the cat (though at times I may have been very tempted) . I have learned how to road trip with the 3 of them by myself and how to cope with no sleep and basically do it all including the taxes. And I have survived pretty much intact, with maybe 3/4 of my brain still there. LOL.
I have also managed to (forgive the horn tooting here, I'm really excited) pay down half of our debt and save enough for a vacation! Our first in 13 years. In fact I paid off 2 bills today :) . I am really really proud of myself and excited .
I wish I had known a long time ago just what i was capable of or just how awesome I could be. I think back on all the time I spent feeling less than and defeated and the fear of being alone......if only I had known or could go back and tell myself. I mean, I may not have a degree or some fabulous career. But I have a good life and I am now happy to devote my energy to the people around me.....
I know I have whined a lot this deployment or that my frustration and anger may have sometimes gotten away from me....but I have grown immeasurably in myself . And I have never felt stronger or more capable.
Don't get me wrong though after night's like last night where the baby has wet on my bed and the sheets needed to be washed and dried, and the use of the dishwasher and washing machine at the same time resulted in the kitchen flooding , again. And then discovering the toothpaste bomb that had apparently gone off in the kids bathroom at 2am when all i wanted to do was go to bed. But the dryer didn't care how tired i was and wouldn't dry the sheets...so there I sat in a heap on the floor praying to God to please make it stop. I am so looking forward to my other half coming home, because while I may be able to do this on my own I really don't want to, lol.
My hat is off to single mother's everywhere, because while this has been the hardest year of my life , i at least had the knowledge and the hope that my Hubby would be home soon. That this was not permanent for me is all that kept me going some days.
But this really has been one heck of a year and now looking back I wouldn't change a minute of it. (Ok well maybe just a few of them, lol) it has really helped me realise who and what I am and that is one Rockin Mommy and Wife and you know that really is good enough for me :D